This month's blog post has been inspired by failure. If you've been keeping up with previous blogs this year, you will know that I have chosen to practice monthly resolutions (rather than new year ones). January's intention was, in my estimation, a resounding success. I stuck to nightly journaling, even on days I didn't feel like it. The one time I missed it, I easily let myself off the hook. I have even continued the practice post January.
February's intention sounded really good. I decided to set aside time to read the piles of books I genuinely want to take in. Since mulching was a big theme for me, I also decided to set aside time to do that in the form of restorative yoga. After the successful feeling of January, I was looking forward to this new chapter. But, do you want to know how many times I did each of these intentions?
One time, I set aside time to read. One time, I spent my ten minutes in a restorative pose. I couldn't seem to force myself into these resolutions. Why had I failed so completely this time around? And then in hit me.
These resolutions, while lovely, did not come from a truth in my heart.
They were inspired by expectations I felt from others and by the fact that, frankly, they sounded good. But they weren't really what I wanted. This got me thinking about all the things I (and perhaps you) do for ourselves versus what's expected from outside.
Certainly, there are times we need to do things because, well, that's what comes with being an adult in the world. However, like so much of life, it's about finding balance. Speaking for myself, I was always a people pleaser. My method of gaining approval growing up was becoming who or what I thought other people wanted me to be. In fact, it wasn't until this journey of yoga and self-awareness that I met the "real" me. This path has helped me get to know (and love) the person I actually am.
So, this month, my resolution is quite simple. I intend to become more aware of the motivations for my daily actions. Is this a true desire? Is this something I am doing for fear of disappointing someone or for hope that I will get approval? Is this a "should" or is this a "yes"? For all the actions that have the space for this inquiry, I am bringing it. And, I will practice my ability to consider, and to say "yes" when I mean it and "no" when I need to. And, for those other responsibilities that don't have the space, I will be grateful I can provide whatever service I am providing.
This isn't just about possibly cutting out or adjusting things. It's also about giving permission to do things that feed you, even if they seem frivolous. For example, I have a makeup/beauty channel on YouTube. (You can check it out here if you like that sort of thing.) Making videos is a time consuming process. I don't have a big following and I'm certainly not making any money from it which makes me feel like I shouldn't invest the time. But, I freaking love it. I continue to feel pulled back to it even though there's a part of me saying "this is a waste of time". But is it? Is anything that makes us happy and feeds our souls a waste of time? I don't think so either. So, another intention is to embrace the frivolous that is actually not frivolous.
Does any of this resonate with you? Is this a practice you would like to bring in to your life? I would love to hear your thoughts and feelings around this topic! Feel free to check out our resolution support group on Facebook if you are interested in a like-minded community to bounce ideas off of and ask for help. It's a really special space if this is something that speaks to you. In the meantime, feel free to share any of your own thoughts, feelings, or intentions below and I look forward to continuing the journey with you into Spring!